The Blessings of Christmas

I love my family.

I have an amazing husband who I've known for over 12 years, married to for over 8.  I have kind, loving and well mannered children.

I have strong and loving parents, and brothers who I actually do enjoy spending time with (I don't mind if you guys stop by every once in a while...hint hint).

I have amazing grandparents, who I wish I'd been around more when I was younger.  I adore my aunts and uncles and cousins.  Who can beat staying up late playing games, asking random questions and laughing.

Steve grew up with having all his extended family around him; I did not.  I'm still not use to trying to coordinate spending the holiday with EVERYONE.  Most years, it was just my parents and us kids.  We'd gone to Massachusetts for a few Christmas's, but the weather became so unpredictable that it had to stop.

We don't really have any established traditions in my family now.  We make it a point to bake cookies together, we drive around looking at Christmas decorations, and we have some pretty neat Christmas cards!

Samantha, 6; Emmalee, 5; Steven, 3.  

We've tried to keep the holiday's simple.  I hate how commercialized it's become.  Christmas is about the coming of the Christ Child - the most precious gift of all.  It should be about being together with the ones that you love, enjoying all that they bring you in life (and that doesn't mean material things).

We enjoyed a quiet holiday this year; Friday night with my brothers, Saturday with my parents, Sunday morning at home, Sunday night with Steve's mom.

It was great to see my parents.  My kids hadn't seen my dad since before Halloween.  It was his first time out of bed in a couple of days.  The kids didn't seem too scared of all the IV bags, upset that they couldn't hug him, though.  It was nice to meet some of the doctors and nurses caring for him.  And their favorite housekeeper, Linda.  Mom said she always had something kind and encouraging to say, always helping out when she can.

My kids were very thankful for everything that they received.  They didn't complain that they didn't get what they wanted.  My husband and I didn't really exchange gifts - well, I thought we weren't.  I did get him a little something, then he got something for me, and then something for him that he addressed to me... I do really like my new iPod dock, though, I have been wanting one.  But I didn't think I needed a PS3...  Know any good games?

This Christmas was what Christmas is suppose to be - about family, being together, thankful for each other and honoring the Ultimate Gift.

Update on Dad

If you live(d) in Sylvania and played sports, especially soccer between 1990 and 2006, you probably know my dad.  He manned the tables at open enrollment for teams, hosted coaches meetings, coached baseball, softball & soccer, but he's probably best known as a soccer referee (he and my brothers were quite the 3-man-team).  He was known to be be polite and fair, but wasn't afraid to throw a few parents out of the game!  


I went and visited my dad this week, University Hospital in Cleveland.  I'd not been to see him at the hospital since they day he was diagnosed.  He was in the ICU when I got there - I hated seeing him with tubes and wires from head-to-toe.  But I needed to know that he was ok.  


Mom and I were really impressed by his nurse, Emily.  She was kind, made jokes, and was genuinely trying to help my dad.  His blood pressure was high, fever was high, hadn't eaten any 'real foods'  since before Thanksgiving.


Thankfully his doctor was going to let him go to a 'regular room', if they happened to have any available.  After a few hours they found a room in the brand new Seidman Cancer Center.  Mom was excited - a new part of the hospital she'd never seen before.  


Dad went to go get a CT scan, Mom and I went to find some dinner.  In the new wing of the hospital, Mom showed me some of the work that my dad's company did at the new hospital - it was beautiful.  I know they've since stopped making that product, but it's kinda nice to see something that my dad's a part of in the place where he's been getting all his care.  


Mom and I had dinner at Wolfgang Puck Express - Mom really enjoyed her Chicken Alfredo, I was less than thrilled by the ravioli.  It was nice to sit and talk to my mom.  As much as I'm worried about my dad, he has doctors and nurses to take care of him; she has no one.  Sometimes I wish that they were still here in town.  


I have to say though, when we finally got him into his room - it was really nice.  There was a pull out couch for my mom to be able and stay, a private fridge and microwave, digital TV and a spacious bathroom.  


I had to go home that night, I hated doing it though.  I know there's not much that I can do there, but there's just something about being with my parents while they are dealing with it.  It's so frustrating when they don't know what's going on - seeing doctor after doctor after doctor.  


After over a week of pain and problems, the infectious disease department diagnosed him with C. difficult,   The problem is, that after 4 years of cancer and varying infections, he's become almost immune to antibiotics.  Right now they're discussing the best course of treatment, and it looks like IV antibiotics - and a 2 week stay in the hospital.  Mom's trying to negotiate that, perhaps to a hospital closer to home, or an at home skilled nurse (hopefully a better company than the last time - crazy lady broke a needle IN HIS PORT!)  


After everything we've been through with my dad, (steps on soapbox) If you notice changes in your body, if you don't feel well and can't seem to shake it - go see a doctor, and then get a second opinion. 

Wearing Many Hats

• Wife
• Mother  
• Daughter
• Sister
• Friend  
• Maid  
• Chef
• Dry Cleaner
• Nurse
• Chauffer
• Teacher
• Student
• Entrepreneur 

This is probably an incomplete/generic list, but I'm exhausted just looking at it.  

One of the hardest things that I have to deal with during any given day is managing my time.  I've been falling asleep at 9:45 every night - partially from my meds and being ill, partially because it's non stop all day.  

Most days, I wake up at 6:30, get my kids up and ready for school and out by 8.  Then I'm out of the house:  Meetings, networking, research, writing... Then the kids get home at 3 and then I'm helping with homework, reading, cooking, kid's baths, bed.  Then I reply to a few emails, a little bit more research and writing then I crash.  

I think the thing about being a working mother is even though we all know we need to take time for ourselves, we don't.  I don't make time for me, or get together with friends like I use to.  I don't read for enjoyment, only for education.  I don't go to the spa any more, I'm back to my natural color and will probably keep it that way for a very long time.  

It's funny; in business I need an accountability partner to help me make sure I'm staying on track.  Perhaps I need someone to help me to do the same for myself personally.  I don't get it from my husband as often as I use to, I barely see him any more (work, school, work, sleep... poor guy, he needs some alone time too).  

Well, perhaps now that it is written, it will be.  Probably not.  All I can say is - do as I say not as I do, and take some time for you - your business and family need you, and you can't function without focusing on you every once in a while.  

Yes, I busted my CHRISTmas music out on November 1!

I love Christmas music.  I always have, always will.  I like hearing new versions of old classic, and you've got to admit there are some HILARIOUS parody Christmas songs.

My top 5 favorite bands include Hanson, Thousand Foot Krutch, Jars of Clay, Anberlin and Switchfoot.  And can I say- in my biased opinion - they have produced some AMAZING Christmas music.

I think part of it has to do with rehearsing Christmas music in Choirs beginning right after school starts.  My first day in Symphonic Choir in high school we began rehearsing "Carol of the Bells".

Perhaps it's a spiritual thing.  Yes, 80% of the music that I listen to are from Christian artists (or are children's music, but that's for another blog).  But there is just something about certain Christmas songs that really help me to reconnect with my faith - some songs that I will listen to all year long to help me reconnect with my faith.

However, there are some really fun non-traditional Christmas music that I just adore, and can only get away with listening to durning the Christmas season... ;-)

Here's a few songs that I love, but you probably won't hear on 'Christmas on the River' - for most of them you'll have to check out  YES FM

• "Heat Miser" and "Snow Miser"  - TFK/FM Static did an amazing job on these - my kids love dancing around to them.  (On a side note, when I was 7 months pregnant with Samantha, my oldest, I was working at YES FM when TFK was in town for a concert.  She was rawking out in my belly during the show, her foot got stuck in my rib! The band prayed over us at the end of the night.  Thanks guys, she's become quite the little musician herself).

• "Snowball Fight" - OK, for real, how fun is this song?

• "Dominic the Donkey" - You probably won't hear this on YES FM or that often on any other station, but I think it's hysterical!  

• "Evergreen" - This is one of those songs that I could easily listen to all year 'round.

• "Baby Please Come Home" - There isn't anything special to me about this song, I just love Anberlin's version of it!

• "Carol of the Bells" - this goes back to 15 years ago sitting in choir; I still love this song, especially when it rocks like this version by August Burns Red

• "Mary Did You Know" - a recent favorite.  I particularly enjoy the Spoken version of it. 

• "Little Drummer Boy" - this has always been my Dad's favorite Christmas song.  He prefers the David Bowie/Bing Crosby version, but this version by Jars of Clay runs a close second.

• "Silent Night" "O Holy Night"  "O Come All Ye Faithful" - OK, so this particular medley is almost 15 years old (wow, I'm old).  I'm waiting for it to be re-recorded, there's something about the composition that still gives me goosebumps after all these years.  

I could probably add a more, but I've only scratched the surface of my Christmas iTunes playlist.  Hey, it's only the first week of November...

being sick sucks...

I've been sick for a few months now; it started late August.  I went over a month before I called my doctor, who didn't get me in for 2 weeks.

I was physically exhausted - I was sleeping 18 hours a day, and had no energy to get up and out of the house.  I'm thankful for the Vito's Pizza delivery guy and my stock pile of food from coupon-ing so my kids were fed.

Apparently I pissed a few people off because I 'disappeared'.  Thanks for caring enough to ask if everything was ok.  No, it's not.

I finally go to the doctor and had a bunch of tests taken.  I was tested for viruses, deficiencies, even cancer. Ever day after I had the tests I was given a different diagnosis.  My final diagnosis was EBV.  I guess it made sense, but not really since I only had one symptom - tired.  I wanted a second opinion, so I went and got it.  Brand new doctor, and internal medicine specialist.  She went over all of my results and told me that at one point in my life I was exposed to EBV, but I was not currently having an outbreak now....  so my other doc was a totally nutcase and didn't know what she was talking about.

Things got scary when the doctor starts asking about my dad.  My dad is a colon cancer survivor, and his  experience with it has been hell - but also very weird.  He began feeling sick in June of 2007, and after a series of tests diagnosed with a bacterial infection - probably related to food.  Over the next few months, he was in and out of doctors offices and hospitals with no answers other than "It's not serious, or we'd see it in the blood work."  That was a relief.  Finally in the fall he had a colonoscopy - and within a few minutes the doctor found the tumor and told us it was cancer.  Dad was all ready for them to just open him up and take it all out.  But, it was benign.

Over the next two weeks, he had more scopes, and they found a 14 inch long by 3 wide tumor (approx).  Only about 1/10th of it was cancerous... which is why the blood tests came back normals - it was protected.

Through out my talks with the doctor, I was given detail about my dad's condition - how my dad was ignoring his stomach pains over the last 10 years and thought they were related to his poor diet - should have been addressed by a doctor, and he never brought it up.  I was told that the form of cancer that my dad had was hereditary and that of me and my brothers, at least one of us would develop it - but if caught early enough, preventable and/or treatable.

Fast forward to me sitting in my new doctor's office, asking me questions I hadn't even thought of.  Showing her my food journal and going over my daily routine.  Next thing I know I have appointments with specialists.

Today I'm sitting in my pj's at 1pm and in so much pain I can barely stand it... I'm hoping it's nothing, that it's in my head.  Or perhaps what I've been battling has been an infected appendix (which would suck, but it's an easy fix, right?).  When twice in one month you hear "CANCER" you start to freak out... All I know is I'm done with being sick, and I'm going to stay as proactive as I can, even if people think I'm crazy.  If my dad had just told his doctor 10 years ago he was having frequent pains, his tumor may have never grown that large, may have never become cancerous, and he'd be living a normal, healthy life.

Please, trust your gut - if you don't feel right, get it checked out.  And if the answer doesn't fit, get a second opinion.

Strong Enough To Break

I don't feel myself today 

 Just a figure in a big monopoly game

  Struggle is the price you pay 

 You get just enough just to give it away 

 I'm sinking but I'm floating away 

 Throw me a line so I can anchor my pain

  The fabric is about to fray 

...

Have you ever had a moment when EVERYTHING starts to make sense, and scare the tar out of you at the same time?  That moment when the planets align and you feel peace, but the peace you feel ends up being pure nostalgia?

I went to a concert alone a few weeks ago.  I didn't know anyone there, but I think it was better that way.  I'd been to the venue before, but it had been 8 years.   I really enjoyed the almost 2 hour drive there, I really needed some alone time to think things through.

I got a great spot, 6 feet from the stage.  I hate those people who just push and shove their way up to the front - really, we're adults - act like it.  Besides, it's better to be a few feet back so you can see everyone and everything. 

And then the music takes over.  I really needed an outlet, and honestly I haven't had one for a while.  I don't do clubs or bars - it's not me and it never will be.  But a concert, when there is true passion behind the music, and the music is good, that is my refuge.  

I worked at a radio station for a few years in and just out of college.  We had a concert almost every month.  That's probably why my daughter is so musically charged, she was surrounded by it in the womb.

But this night, hearing songs that I listen to frequently live and in my face, something clicked.  And then I hear it - 'Strong Enough To Break'.  And everything made sense.  

I've ALWAYS been beat up, knocked down, abused, humiliated, taken advantage of.  I've let it happen since childhood - heck I let it happen that night by letting people push in in front of me.  I recognize that I do this, but I don't know how to not.  It's something that I'd just accepted.  But hearing that song that night... it hit me.  Over 20 years of mental abuse, some of it my own.  I'm broken and have been knocked down, and I let it happen.  But I always got back up; that's got to count for something, right?

I'm human, I'll make mistakes.  I'm trying to grow, but walking down unfamiliar paths.  I feel like I'm doing it all alone, even though there are so many people around me... I'm letting go of those who maybe haven't given me the support that I need.  


Have you taken a look at yourself lately?  Because I am right now, and I don't know who I see right now.  


So thank you to Isaac, Taylor and Zac Hanson for giving me a great night; helping me let go of all the stress in my life, if only for a few hours.  You're music has always brought me great joys, and I'm thankful you do what you do.

Why I work from home...

I'm sitting here, catching up on some articles, replying to some emails, and getting prepped for a meeting.  I'm in a comfy sweatshirt, curled up in a warm fuzzy blanket (my house is at 62, but I refuse to turn the furnace on).  My 3 1/2 year old son is going back and forth from sitting with me and playing on the floor. Every few minutes one of us will say "hey guess what? I love you".

I'm having a really hard time developing my business - invoicing, scheduling my time (I'm getting much better with that), networking, customer service, prospecting... It's a constant struggle every day.

But ever day I get 4 hours at home alone with my son.  He keeps himself pretty well entertained, isn't a picky eater, and when I have a moment of frustration, he always makes me smile.

He woke with a fever yesterday - no school for him.  I had to reschedule a meeting, but she is a mom too and understood.  Unfortunately, not too many other business professionals are as understanding.  Some people chose to build a career before starting a family, for some it's just how it happens.  For those like me, who had to go from being a Stay-At-Home-Mom to a working mom, it's like we are on the low level of respect?  Maybe it's me... but when I tell someone that I have 3 kids, ages 6 and under, there are some who actually have turned their nose at me, like I'm an inferior being or something.

It's hard enough to get people to take me serious  - I'm a 20-something business owner, and often feel that I'm treated as a child.  I'm trying to reinvent myself (on a limited budget), but perhaps it's in my head.

I have been looking, casually, for full-time positions at agencies.  And in the field that I'm in, I'm aware that there are employers who are looking at my social media profiles to learn about me.  Legally, I cannot be asked if I have a family, but it doesn't mean that they can't find out about it on their own.  I've read articles that there are employers will not hire parents because the demands of the job are too great. But isn't that my decision?  (When I was pregnant with my first, I was not given a job because I was pregnant - but their reasons were that by the time I had to go on maternity leave, I would not have been out of the probationary time and my time off would have put me in line for termination.  What?!?!)

So I work for myself, and I work from home.  When my family is sick, I reschedule meetings, but I can still get my work done.  I'm able to cuddle on the couch with my sniffling son as he plays 'Angry Birds' on the iTouch.   

Are we ready for some Football?

Soda? check. Lunch? check.  Desserts? check.  TV? darn it!

It's like a scene from a 1950's TV show - me, trying to position our HD Antenna so that the local stations will come in clearly.  We did have is positioned PERFECTLY so that every local station (NBC, CBS, ABC, Fox, PBS & WLMB) came in flawlessly.  Then one of the kids knocked it over.

I spent 20 minutes adjusting the stupid thing; moving it to different parts of the room, changing the direction the antenna is facing.  The minute I'd get it working, as soon as I'd let it go, the screen would go blank again.  I really wanted to watch the Steelers game, but it's on Fox, and I can not get Fox to come in.  So I'm watching the Colts/Browns game, and it's kinda choppy, but I'm done messing with it.

"Rabbit Ears"

Money's tight, so we try not to spend money on things we don't really need.  We really don't watch much TV, so it's not that big of a deal to not have cable.  Sometimes I miss the Food Network, but that's about it. But we love football...

I'd like to be able to watch games on ESPN, or not be limited to what my local stations have chosen to broadcast.  I love going to visit my parents, because they have all the fun premium channels, including NESN - they can watch any Boston/New England game they want.  That would be awesome.  It's not even a option with my local cable provider.

I love having a lazy afternoon with my family.  We can sit here and fold some laundry, have some snacks, chit-chat about stupid stuff, kids running around playing, and be able to enjoy some all american fun.  And what could top my son screaming "go go go Touchdown" every play...

So even if I have to go out and adjust the stupid antenna every 10 minutes, nothing can beat the time that I'm spending with my family...

Can I really do this?

It hit me while making dinner last night - "What the Frak am I doing?"  I'm not designed to be a business owner.  I'm designed to research and write.  I can't handle the stress of invoicing and asking for late payments.  I'm stretched so thin with husband and kids and home and work... It doesn't turn off.

I really thought I could do this... I really thought that I would be ok.  Honestly, right now, I want a job with a desk and a time clock and a regular salary, maybe a few benefits.  Even though I've been running my business for 4 months now, I've still be applying for jobs.  I had one company interview me three times, but then wouldn't return my calls after practically offering me the job in the interview (I mean, how else would you interpret "Let us know when you're ready to move and we'll help you get situated).  I get it, I didn't get the job - at least tell me yourself.

I don't know if I can do this, how much longer I can keep going.  I'm tired of "oh yea, I'll hire you" but then never get a return call or anything.  I think it's funny how immediately after meeting with me a business will make a few posts on their Facebook page, then don't post again for a while.  Clearly, you do need me.

I'm just so scared, because so many things fall on my shoulder, and if this fails, it's not just me that's affected...

Ten

Ten years.... Ten years since I graduated high school.  Ten years since I started college.  Ten years since the Twin Towers came down. 

I think it's safe to say we all remember most vividly those moments when your life changes.  I remember all the details of my wedding day; I remember most of the details of my children's' births;  I remember very clearly the day my dad was diagnosed with cancer; I remember where I was on September 11, 2001.

I was in my first sememster at the University of Toledo. I had just come out of Dr. Tucker's Intro to Communcation lecture just after 9am. I got in my car and turned on 92.5, Kiss FM; Denny Schaffer's Breakfast Club.  I remember Trisha Courtney coming on with the news that there had been a plane crash in New York, that one of the twin towers had been hit, moments later, stating that a second plane had hit the other tower.  I was thankful that I had just gotten my first cell phone, and called my mom at home.  

When I got home, hearing the news that the planes had come from Boston, and we were calling our family to see if anyone had been traveling that day, fearing that one of my family members might have been on those planes (they weren't). I remember sitting frozen in front of the television with my mom; my brothers were in school and my dad was at work, horrified by the images that we were seeing.  I'd never been to New York City, but what if that had been happening here... I couldn't believe my eyes, watching the buildings fall.  Then it began in Washington, and it really hit home.  My aunt works in DC, I could barely breath, praying she was ok.  She was.


One of my best friends was leaving for college that day, we were suppose to meet for lunch.  We did meet, if only for a little while.  Such an emotional day.  I called Steve, we had broken up a few weeks before, and even though we barely spoke, I needed to talk to him.  He was considering enlisting, all the men in his family were military men.  He ended up not, sometimes I wonder how things would have changed if he had enlisted.  I can say that we probably wouldn't have gotten married the following year if he had joined up.


I remember babysitting that night, and the little boy, who was maybe 3 was telling me about the big explosion he saw on TV at school.  At first I was shocked to think that the teachers were actually watching the events of the day in a preschool classroom.  But what if they 
knew someone who was there...  


I remember that first anniversary programs being difficult to watch.  I remember going to visit my now father-in-law with Steve, about 18 months after the initial attacks.  He was an Air Force Major, and after the initial attacks happened, put a blank tape in the VCR, hit record then left for work as quickly as he could.  All he saw was the plan crash when he left, but we were able to see all of it again (before DVR was so common).  


I remember being heartbroken a few years ago watching a special, compiled by everyday people who took out their video cameras and were taping the scenes out their NYC windows.  The videographer that was featured, I don't remember his name, but he was in the streets for some other 'Man on the Street" tapings, and he was not rushing to the Trade Center, but getting the reactions of people watching it on the big screens downtown.  


I've been humbled by the interviews that I have seen from the families of those killed that day.  Seeing how strong the young people were, hearing the things that have brought them comfort over the last ten years.  Hearing the voicemail messages left by those in the towers. My heart goes out to all those affected.  


So where do we go from her?  We grow, but never forget.  

Football season is here... sort of

My grandpa's a Patriot's fan. My dad's a Patriot's fan.  I'm a Patriot's fan.  By marriage my husband is a Patriot's fan, but he hates sports.  

Well, actually, he doesn't hate them anymore, and I cured him of 20+ years of abuse by his mother.  She loves sports, and regularly plays basket ball and softball, usually the only female playing.  She tried to get Steve into sports.  Nothing, nada, no way, never.  Until he joined my family.  

In college, one of my classes was to broadcast local high school football games (before BCSN took over).   For those of us getting 4 credit hours, we also worked at the University of Toledo home games, but would often need a few extra hands.  Steve offered to help (or he wouldn't see me all weekend in our first 6 months of marriage).  He was usually on the field pulling cords or holding mic's.  Football became our weekend tradition from then on.

It's been hard the last two years when we had to get rid of cable. We are so excited for the season to begin, but most of the games we want to watch are not shown on basic channels.  We were REALLY upset today when the OSU v. UT game was only shown on ESPN.  I mean, really, the local channels couldn't have sent a crew down themselves to broadcast the game - you have to show us infomercials?  Fail, epic fail.   And now he's watching the UofM v. ND game at my brother's while I'm home with the kids.  

Looking at the schedule for this season, my excitement is diminishing, because I'm not going to get to see the teams that I want... sigh... But at least I have the internet...

After watching the exchange between Gary Vaynerchuk and two adorable little boys, I asked my own kids what it would take for them to NOT be Patriots fans anymore.  Here is the crazy response from my kids (turn down your volume, my kids are LOUD)

If they're so easily swayed from Patriots, what would it take for them to change loyalty from OSU to Michigan?  AHHH!!!!!

Whew...that was easy

I'd been a shell of myself all day leading up to the event.  Freaking out because I could not get 1 wrinkle out of my dress.  I ruined my manicure.  I forgot to wash my face before I put my make-up on and a zit developed by the end of the night... But I survived.

Steve and I heading to the reunion

I had been dreading my reunion for months, really only wanting to see a few people.  Maybe I should have planned my own event for Friday night...  I was thankful for my friends who were there, reconnecting in person with the people I see on Facebook regularly.

It was still very clique-y.  We were all divided into our 'groups', just like back in school.  Not a whole lot of inter-mingling amongst us, which I was kinda surprised about.  Lots of 1-ups when we did mingle, which is kinda pathetic, but we all do that anyway right?

I was pleased that there wasn't a lot of reminiscing of 'ye olde high school times'.  A few college stories, how I met my spouse, etc.  But mostly it was just talking like adults and friends, as if time hadn't passed.  The main differences were that (as a friend pointed out) we were allowed to drink and it was socially appropriate to 'bring our dates home'.

A few thoughts passed through my head throughout the night, memories that I didn't want to think about.  But it was great to know that even when I didn't see it, my friends had had my back.  Love you guys...

So according to a survey I filled out 10 years ago, I planned on being married, working in radio, owning a home and having 2 kids; the thing that I'd be looking forward to the most at the 10 year reunion would be seeing friends.  Well, 10 years later I've been married for 8 years with a house and 3 kids, I did work in radio for 2 years, and all I really wanted from last night was my friends.

Missed you guys.  Let's not wait 10 years to see each other again...

Sylvania Southview, Class of 2001

And it's here...

OK, so the weekend that I've been dreading all summer is finally here.  It's Labor Day weekend, which also means it's time for my 10 year reunion.

I lost the weight that I wanted, found a great dress that is classy and is 'me', and I've got my girls at Amiche Capelli helping me look great for the weekend.  I've been using the Clinage products,which I am loving, but stress has still taken it's toll on my face.  Make up will help.

Looking at the list, most of the people I want to see are under the "maybe" column.  I hope that some actually attend.  I miss my friends, I really do.  I miss girl nights watching movies and eating pizza.  I miss walking around the mall.  I miss choir tips and football games.  I miss my friends.

I wish we'd been able to stay in contact better a few years ago, before everyone was on Facebook.  There are some friends who I can't seem to find; in this world of technology, you can be found easily, or not at all.  Of course people getting married can affect that as well.

To my friends, I'm looking forward to seeing you this weekend.  I've missed you and hope we can stay in better contact after this weekend.  Maybe we should all bring along some business cards w/ contact info...?  Anyone? (can you tell I'm a big networker)

10 days...

OK, so I've found my dress for my 10 year reunion.  It was a great deal, and I will definitely be able to wear it again.  Whew, that's over with!

I spent about 3 hours at the spa yesterday, had my hair colored with INOA at Amiche Capelli.  I'm totally hooked on this product now; makes my hair feel thicker, softer, and the color is AMAZING!

So now my final dilemma would be my stress induced acne.  I met with Kelley from Clinage recently and she gave me a few products to try out.  I've tried just about EVERYTHING over the last 2 years, but I was excited to try this.  It's a 20 year old formula created by a dermatologist not too far from where I live.  After only a few days of using it, I can already see improvements!

The last product I'd used, Proactive, burned my skin.  I looked like I had spent an entire day outside w/o any shade or sunscreen.  I was lobster red and peeling.  I didn't leave the house for days...  Now, the redness is gone, and my acne is going away.  YAY!

OK, so all the vain things are taken care of... it's getting close for me to finally decide if I'm going to actually go.  As I look through the guest list on Facebook, most of the people I want to see are in the "Maybe" section.  Part of me wants to host my own reunion, with just the people I want to see... but add that to my already crowded plate?

Am I the only one who is freaking out about this?  My husband didn't get nervous or anything at his 10 year reunion, but that's because we really didn't go until it was over and everyone was drunk... (OK, note to anyone planning a reunion: Pick a date far in advance, 6 months isn't enough, and if 3 SEPARATE PEOPLE tell you that they're getting married that day, find another night).

So I'm looking for some help here; if I'm this nervous about it should I even go?

Preparing for my 10 Year Reunion: T-Minus 14 days!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I have been FREAKING OUT about this for MONTHS!  It's the stupidest thing to be getting so worked up about with everything else going on in my life.  But I have been, and it's just about here...


So I've been trying to slim/trim down.  I've lost a bit of weight, toned up, and people have noticed, so that's a good thing.  Now I need to find THE DRESS.  This has been a pain!  I've gone to a few dress shops in the area, and I've found that they're just not me.  Well, I did find one that I loved - but OMG it was out of my budget... I'm looking for something similar.  My problem is, even though I'm 28 now, and have an amazing size 2 body (I've worked hard for this, so yes I'll boast about it for a second before the insecurities return).  But my personality does not match the clothes that are marketing for my demographic, and budget.  I want to appear classy and sophisticated, modest but feminine.  I'm a married mother of three - I'm not looking for a date.

So I've found a few that I like online, my favorite retailer, 15dollarstore.com.  I've bought many items there, and it's great because it fits in my tight budget, but I can get new outfits for various occasions and events.  The hardest part about buying online is trying to picture it on.  We can upload our faces to buy glasses online, why can't we upload our measurements or a picture and try dresses 'on' online?  Someone should get on that right now. (you see it here, August 23, 12:11am EST this was written - it's my idea!)

I never really liked shopping - it's always been such a chore for me.  I never really went shopping for clothes with my friends, it just wasn't important to me then, and still really isn't now.  However, because I'm the face for my business, I need to be presentable.  Even a big smile on my face and joy in my voice isn't going to hide the fact that I don't have clothes that fit me they way they should.

A lot of it stems back to school.  My mom, bless her, hid my frail body in clothes that were always WAY to big for me.  I'd become anorexic for a while, thinking if I lost weight she'd buy me medium size tops instead of larges.  All these years later, I still have those shirts.  And the only times they ever "fit" me were when I was 9 months pregnant.

I hate clothes.  I hate that I'm only 5'4" and every time I find a dress or skirt or pants that I like, it's either too long or too short.  Goodness what's the deal with skirts/dresses that BARELY go past your bottom?  and they not even wearing leggings or shorts or something with it - really, eww.

And why does everything have to be super low cut?  I mean, really?  I know they say if you've got it flaunt it - but I don't have anything to flaunt, and I really don't want to see you flaunt it.  Respect others, and respect yourself: Please cover them up!

So I guess I'll go back to my online shopping - I think I've got it down to four, and I'll probably buy two...

Why does it have to be so freaking hard?

When It Comes To This - DO NOT Mess With Me

I hate bullies, 'mean girls', cliques and all that punk kid stupidity.  I don't like to be negative, it doesn't get anyone anywhere, but this is one thing that I just WILL NOT tolerate.

I recently posted on my Facebook profile that I'm not a good person to piss off… if I offended anyone, I apologize.  But when a friend jokingly said "good to know", I elaborated a bit.  I felt the urge to continue on.

While out for a walk with my family, some High School students were out selling something in support of their sports team.  The last few years, we've opted to not purchase anything from this team in support of another that I'm more passionate about.  However last year, the team members didn't like that myself and a few neighbors did not buy anything from them and they chose to vandalize our houses and cars.  

So after we catch you doing that to us last year, do you really think I'm going to by something from you this year?  And you think that when I tell you "no not right now" it's appropriate to use very foul language around me and my 3 small children?  I think not.  

I'm a mom, before anything else, I am a mom.  And I love my community and want to support my local athletic teams.  But if you are going to write foul words on our cars and vandalize our yards and then call my neighbors and I a B---- in front of our kids - you've got another thing coming!

I've expressed my distaste for anything of this nature to my kids.  Joking with a neighbor I swore I'd lock my kid in their room every night until they moved out if I ever caught them TPing someone's house.  My husband use to think it was funny until it happened to us and he was the one who had to clean it all up.

I don't know why people think it's ok or funny.  I don't understand why some parents encourage and even drive the getaway car.  I've work VERY hard to buy a house and a car and to have you write dirty words on it and TP my house and to shove things into my mailbox... just because I didn't buy your $10 booster card?

Kids today just don't seem to have any respect for things or people.  Wait until you get into the 'real world'.  When you have worked your but off to buy a house that's just right for your family, and you get the first brand new car you've ever had... Then tell me how it feels to have to wash every foul word in the dictionary off your car and driveway before your 6 year old starts sounding them out...

So again, if I offended anyone by saying "don't piss me off" - unless you were planning on vandalizing my house, we're good. But again, I'm sorry if I offended you.