I had very nice conversation with a very nice young lady today. We both frequent New-Trition and have spoken several times before. But today she shared with me about The Movement, and it brought a lot of memories and feelings that I thought had been washed away...
I was bullied.
A lot.
Starting around 3rd grade.
Lasted through college.
And it still hurts. I tried really hard to not think about the specific insolents that hurt me when I was preparing for my 10 Year High School reunion. A few came up, but I'd had such a nice time with my friends that I'd forgotten about the stuff that upset me.
It came flooding back today.
Being made fun of for my New England Accent.
Being made fun of for my last name.
Being made fun of because of the clothes I wore.
Being made fun of because I wasn't pretty.
Being made fun of because of spiritual beliefs
Being made fun of because of the music I liked.
Being made fun of because I was a manager at McDonald's
People calling me a liar about my boyfriend.
People saying I spread lies about my fellow softball players.
Being physically assaulted by my fellow softball players.
People saying I made my engagement up.
People calling me a tramp for getting married at 19.
People paint-balling and t-p'ing my house.
I could go on. But I won't. It's just making me angry.
So to everyone who ever bullied me (or anyone else for that matter)
WHAT THE HECK?
Who/what made you King/Queen Bee? What was it about me that you hated so much that you had to torment me.
I mean, you threw freaking softballs at my head on the bus coming home from games. You wrote nasty comments about me in the bathrooms. You'd call me up on the weekends and pretend to be someone else, just to set me up in you little games.
You claimed that I made up my boyfriend, even though I brought him to all the dances and school events. Then called me a tramp because I married him at 19 (3 weeks shy of 20)? Oh yea, and while it may be taboo to you, waiting until you're married is actually a very good thing, thank-you-very-much!
You vandalized my parents house. You even came and destroyed weeks of hard work as it was tp'd and paint-balled 2 DAYS BEFORE MY WEDDING.
WHY?!?!?!
What was it about being a bully that makes you feel so good? Why did you waste time out of your day to try and ruin mine?
Did you know what your words and actions did to me? Did you know I was anorexic for most of junior high school? Did you know that I worked as many hours as I could to convince my parents to let me pay to go to private school? Did you know I tried to hurt myself, just to make you go away?
Did you know, that because of the way you treated me, I'm afraid of what my kids will go through? That because of you, I don't want my kids participating in team/group activities. I don't want them to feel the pain that I did, and clearly still do.
Think back to what you did to me. And think, how would you feel if someone was doing that to you. Or better yet, think of how you'll feel if someone is doing that to your child.
As I write this, I'm thinking about the kids today that are dealing with bullies... I didn't have to deal with the internet component 10 years ago. Kids today do. It never stops, it comes home with them. Sometimes it can go on for months without the victims even knowing it. Technology allows kids to photoshop faces onto bodies, put it on a blog and blast it out on twitter.
AND IT NEEDS TO STOP NOW!
I don't want to hear of girls taking pictures of their classmates in the locker room and then posting them on the internet. I don't want to hear another news report of a teen committing suicide because of what their classmates wrote about them.
It's making me sick to my stomach. We need to end this now!
Parents - monitor your kids computers. Check their phones. Get involved at school. Listen to what they say about their classmates. It's your responsibility too. Raise them up! Don't let them bully you either. Stand your ground. Take away their phones, TV, computers, whatever. Give them boundaries and stick to your guns!
To those who hurt me, whether you realized it or not (You knew what you were doing, but you didn't know what it really did to me.) I forgive you, but I'll never forget.
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