Body Images

Being a woman is tough... it's absolutely awful at times.

Women can be mean and judgmental... don't deny it, we try not to be, but we all make at least one mean comment in our lives.

There aren't many women who portray themselves as the positive role model that I'd want for my daughters.  So that's who I've got to become.  But who do I look up to?

So many women look to Hollywood as to what they should be like.  Hollywood is a lie.  When I read this recent article about Jennifer Lawrence and airbrushing, I was sick to my stomach.  She's gorgeous, and even with the makeup on, they still felt the need to paint her face more and make her look skinnier.  It made me sad, and yet I was glad to know she didn't appreciate it either.

I'm the first to admit that I'm fairly plain... I hate make-up, but use it for "special occasions."  I had a hormone imbalance that caused acne in my adulthood that no product would remedy.  I don't have the money to get my hair done every other month, and my mousey brown hair is dull.  I have health issues preventing me from being as athletic as I use to be; I'll never have the skinny chicken legs I'd always wished I had. I've got stretch marks and hips from carrying 3, now 4, babies.

And you know what, I'm OK with that.  Will I be parading around in a 2-piece bathing suit?  No.  I'm too modest for that, my body is mine and it's private.  I'm not going to be ashamed of the body and face that I have, but I'm going to take care of it.  Will I go on crazy diets to be a size 2?  Probably not.  But I'll eat right, drink my protein shakes and take my kids for walks and on bike rides.

While I do all these things, to show my girls who a real woman is, I can't be the only one.  I want their teachers, their baby sitters, their friends' moms, and their friends, to also be confident in themselves.  While I show them daily who I am in my, my husband's, and in God's eyes, I pray that the other women in their lives will also look away from what 'popular culture' is telling them is appropriate, and look to God for what is right.

We are made in His image, and we should take care of the body we've been given, but we shouldn't be looking to gross exaggerations of what some Hollywood photographer thinks a beautiful woman is.

Me, all dolled up

Me, on a normal day

Can I really do this?

It hit me while making dinner last night - "What the Frak am I doing?"  I'm not designed to be a business owner.  I'm designed to research and write.  I can't handle the stress of invoicing and asking for late payments.  I'm stretched so thin with husband and kids and home and work... It doesn't turn off.

I really thought I could do this... I really thought that I would be ok.  Honestly, right now, I want a job with a desk and a time clock and a regular salary, maybe a few benefits.  Even though I've been running my business for 4 months now, I've still be applying for jobs.  I had one company interview me three times, but then wouldn't return my calls after practically offering me the job in the interview (I mean, how else would you interpret "Let us know when you're ready to move and we'll help you get situated).  I get it, I didn't get the job - at least tell me yourself.

I don't know if I can do this, how much longer I can keep going.  I'm tired of "oh yea, I'll hire you" but then never get a return call or anything.  I think it's funny how immediately after meeting with me a business will make a few posts on their Facebook page, then don't post again for a while.  Clearly, you do need me.

I'm just so scared, because so many things fall on my shoulder, and if this fails, it's not just me that's affected...