On my mind this Valentine's Day: How Steve Proposed

I've been with my husband for almost 12 years.   On the day when it's culturally required to put our attention on love, I'm thinking back on my relationship with my husband.

I saw a marriage proposal on Mashable today - it was adorable.   It got me thinking of Steve's proposal to me.

To go clarify a few things - Steve and I weren't technically 'together'.  We had dated for 17 months when he decided he needed space.  We didn't see much of each other for 3 months.  Around Thanksgiving, he started stopping by work, and then by my house at random times.

We began spending more time together, but we never really had "the talk".  After several months, it got to me.  He'd try to be bossy, and I'd return w/ "you can boss me around when you give me a velvet box".  That shut him up.

We were together just about every day.  We did everything together.  And yet, I was not his girlfriend.

He went to Colorado to interview for a job, and when he came back, he joined me and my family on an East Coast vacation to DC and Boston.  He'd never been.  He'd surprised me by holding my hand -in public.  He'd met my ENTIRE FAMILY those 2 weeks.  They'd been calling him my boyfriend - and I had apologized to him for it, but he said he didn't mind.

We got home just before my 19th birthday.  He made that an extra special day for me.  He bought a CD car stereo for me, took me to lunch, took me to dinner... it was a great day.

All this time, he wouldn't say "I love you".

After the time we'd spent, I really thought things were going to change.  I actually went to the mall and tried on rings - just for fun.  I asked around to who would be able to create the ring I wanted (a diamond w/ our birthstones on either side).  I mentioned to him I went looking at jewelry that day, and he got upset.

He began becoming distant again.  And I'd put it in my mind that it needed to end.  There were a few guys from church and school who had expressed interest, I'd finally made my mind to become available.

And then that night...  He'd taken me to dinner, we went to the video store and picked out a few movies.  He was pretty quite the whole night.  He asked if I wanted to go for a walk - at 9pm on a Thursday night.  We went to downtown Sylvania, he parked the car, and leaned over and said "You've always wanted a velvet box" I started to cry.  And then he opened it - it was empty.  His class ring box.

I should have asked him to take me home.  I don't know why I didn't.  We walked, we talked, and he apologized for all the frustration he'd been causing me.  I let him have it - I needed to know what I was to him - I needed a title.

He got down on his knee, and said 'How's this for a title?  Will you Marry Me?"

It was my ring - the one with the diamond and our birthstones.

I was shocked, and yet pissed at the same time.  So I punched him in the shoulder.  And then hugged him and said "I love you".  And he asked "is that a yes".

Sigh...

He'd been planning this since he was in Colorado in July.  He'd bought the ring when we got back from Boston.  It had taken a month for it to be made.  He was distant because he was afraid I'd say no.  He wanted to get married right away, in December after I was done with the semester.

We were married July 5, 2003.  We have 3 amazing kids.  We've been through it all - good and bad.  And through it all, he's always been my best friend.

As my daughters grow, and become interested in boys, I'll be teaching them that he has to be your friend first.  He has to appreciate your quirks, your faults, your fears.  Only when he is truly your friend, can he ever become something more

Events!

This past weekend was rather busy. Friday night we went to watch my brothers and all of their old teammates play soccer against the incoming high school team. The Alumni game is a tradition, but never got much recognition - this year the stands were packed! I sat with my little girls and the 'non-girlfriend" of one of my brothers. I adore her and would like to see them become serious.

Saturday we had to go to the wedding of one of my husband's oldest friends (their parents grew up together). It was also the same night as their 10 year reunion. Hubby was unsure about going to the wedding - he was really hurt by not being asked to be groomsman. But the reunion was expensive! $75 for a couple? I mean, I looked up the prices for the venue (we are thinking about renting it out for our 10th Anniversary/affirm our vows). But still, his class should have raised money in high school for it (mine did!). And it was really stupid because they knowingly planned it on the day of 4 weddings from the graduating class - so only a third of the class was there.

Well, we went to the wedding and reception, and despite our reservations against going, we had a nice time. Our good friends were there and we spent the night talking and dancing with them. After the reception was over, we went to where the reunion was and went in as they were trying to get people to leave. I met some of his friends, and we ended up going to a restaurant and sitting with people that he really didn't know in school. It was nice - I enjoyed myself. We don't drink (meaning alcohol), and we're not used to being around drunk people. It's funny the things people will say/admit to when they were sloshed! I was told about 10 times how beautiful I was (and I admit, I looked really nice that night), but it's hard to take a compliment from someone who is slurring their words and asks the same questions five times.

A reoccurring event of the night was people who are not married giving marital advice. The best man was the groom's little brother, and he gave the toast, and was giving some funny advice about how she should act around her husband. It was a joke, obviously it was, but it was more funny coming from a 19 year old! And at the reunion, an old classmate we met as we were leaving the restaurant was asking about our life together. We told him we met right after they graduated high school, I was 16 he was 19. The guy was calling me "jail bait". And I flat out told him that nothing happened until I had two rings on my finger! Take that! Gentlemen do still exist and there is no reason to not wait until your wedding night! It is the best gift you can give your husband/wife - so allow me this soap box moment to say, save yourself for marriage wait for the one that GOD is preparing for you!

People assume all kinds of things when we tell them how long we've been married; when we say we have three kids, they automatically assume that the oldest is going to be close in age to our years of marriage. And she's not: she was born one month before our two year anniversary. Apparently at the reunion, we would have won married longest and most kids.

I am very happy with my life. Maybe I could have waited another year to get married - finish school first. But I am happy with the decisions that I have made and do not regret anything.